The first 1000 wordsWhile you incels have been spending your time browsing Neocities cause you’re bored, whining about nostalgiamining, and recreating the premium reading experience of Cuckernoon, true Chads like myself have been taking the Neocities experience to the logical endgame:
Spoiler Hearts IIIWell over a decade in the making, the conclusion to the Kingdom Hearts story has arrived. The game, the movement, the voice of a generation, it speaks straight to your soul like a bowl of spaghetti served with rice and a loaf of bread—and absolutely nothing else. Sora will journey through many worlds to awaken all the hearts that are using his body like a Trump hotel and leave you with more questions than you arrived with.
Kill all programmersI am paranoid. It’s not to the level of psychosis, but it’s definitely to an abnormal degree. If you’ve any interest whatsoever in computer security, privacy settings, cryptography and the like, you almost definitely are paranoid as well. I can’t offer you any data, but if you don’t believe me, spend any time whatsoever in computer security-related communities; you will find no shortage of people so paranoid they can’t even socialise like normal human beings. I can relate, and I can even see myself becoming as dysfunctional as they are. I loathe spyware with a burning intensity. I wish death on the people who write it, for they enable abject oppression; they are the enemies of humanity, and I don’t sympathise at all with rationalisations about their profit motive—my human rights are more important than your income. After a decade of learning how to protect myself from all those out to get me, I realised I’d lost before the fight had begun.
Soyboy SlayerWhile everyone’s busy fighting the darned Russians or North Koreans or Iranians, our society is facing a graver, invisible menace. An army of nu-males, facial hair sparse and testicles receded, gurgling soylent and threatening our way of life from within. They roam the lands in hordes, chanting strange rites as they wave the Nintendo Switch controller: “sweaty”, “yikes”, “maybe, just maybe”, “let’s unpack this”, “doggo”, “wifey”, and of course “I’m fine with my girlfriend cheating on me with that guy from Tinder because she needs to have her needs met and loyalty is but a construct of the cisheteropatriarchy.” Only one man stands against them, armed with nothing but the memes in his mind and the black pill in his heart:
Transcode all your animu for your shitty phone, TVYou finally got yourself a new phone and you think it would be a good idea to watch some weeb shit on the go. Likewise for your new Smart TV. However, woe is you, because there is format incompatibility: though your OS supports MKV, H.264, ASS, and FLAC or AAC, the file doesn’t seem to be playable. Luckily you’re reading the blog so you won’t kill yourself in desperation.
Decentralisation will failModernity claims another victim: Google Hangouts. Google is on the deathmarch towards outdoing even Yahoo for the company that’s killed off the most services, not that Yahoo is doing bad for itself: tumblr is in the process of purging much of its content as we speak. I’mma give it to you straight: the longer this goes on for, the more of your “beloved” services you’ll see censored or shut down for profit. That’s because most of these services are directly tied to the company’s stock price, or even worse, rely on ads and venture capital (itself relying on ads) to be financially solvent. Since the ad industry is a bubble matched only by bitcoin, the situation is bound to get worse, and decentralisation will not be the solution.
Intelligent use of negative spaceFollowing a very intellectual discussion with mariteaux, I present to you my magnum opus, an intelligent use of negative space, quite unlike the default tumblr theme. The following body text is the lolicon article on fanlore, the fannish history preservation wiki.
Ajazz AK33 mechanical keyboard reviewIn the past couple of years, I’ve had to move a fair bit of furniture, more than the rest of my life combined. I already wasn’t a big fan of furniture, but god damn it, I absolutely loathe it now. I don’t like stuff. I don’t know when I first started hating stuff so much, but I guess after moving and redecorating a few times, I came to realise how annoying owing too much crap can truly be. I’ve become a minimalist. I want to compactify my life, and the best way to start is with the stuff you already use. The first one on my list was my keyboard.
House of CucksIt is done. It’s finally the very last season. After much drama and figuring out that Kevin Spacey is one of us, we have arrived to the conclusion of this tale, one last arc to the most notorious political thriller of this decade, the sixth season of House of Cards, the one where this shoddy construction will come tumbling down, where all the Xanatos gambits will— YO IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT WOMEN ARE STUNNING AND BRAVE, CAN YOU SPARE A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME TO DISCUSS HOW WE MUST RESPECT WHAMEN?
How Some Geopolitics Carried the Novel (vol. 2)I’m back at it again with the franchise that nobody wished to have more of. That’s right, my dudes and dudettes, it’s the second volume of Realist Hero, the light novel that made me reconsider life with its literary brillia— Ah, who the fuck am I kidding; it was terrible and I wish I had never read it. Deeper we now go into this isekai madness, the worst genre of them all, the turd that keeps on smelling, even as the industry descends ever deeper into the bowels of creative constipation. Perhaps having finished a novel will give the author sufficient retrospective to make the second one less bland. Spoiler: that happens.
WebAssembly isn’t the MessiahI’ll keep this as short as I can so
I know fuck all about about design but I need my page to look good: the style guideAre you new and ignorant to this web/design/web design thing? Don’t have hundreds of thousands of dollars to waste on college, seminars, and conferences? Do you have better things to do with your time than browsing inspiring mockup UIs on dribbble that you can leach off of? This guide is for you.
Turd Emblem: Fated for FlushingThe Fire Emblem franchise has arguably been in hot water since the SNES era, and definitely since the GBA era. What used to be a rich, complicated tactical RPG regressed with Fire Emblem 6’s back to roots philosophy, and it’s been trying to claw its way back ever since. Though some improvements were made, the regressions didn’t stop, instead growing like a malignant tumour, soon to encompass story and characterisation as well. The 14th instalment of the series, coming off the success of Awakening, was supposed to fix all that was wrong with that game, by bringing back complexity to the game, and also a professional author to give us a compelling story. What a nice world that would have been if it were true.
Westworld: the western world can’t write womenWestworld, the TV series, spawned October of 2016 and outdid the original in every respect. It was the Game of Thrones of robots. It sported strong, independent gynoid protagonists who don’t need no clients, timeline fuckery, face-heel turns, heel-face turns, and a surprising lack of underage sex bo— I mean, youthful maidens. Two years later, can the second season deliver something as fresh and exciting? Can it take the series in new directions? Can it give fapping fodder to lolicons? But above all, can it write women? Trigger warning: yes / yes / no / no.
Why do people like Rem?If you ask around the retardosphere, people explain that Rem is adored by the fandom because she’s a cute maid with lots of screen time, a stereotype of a demure waifu, a trophy wife for a protagonist imprisoned by heteronormative masculinity, and a power fantasy for incel misogynerds escaping the friend zone. This is, as they say, not even wrong, to the point where I doubt I watched the same series as those “critics” and “analysts”. If you buy into that logic, you should kill yourself, and here’s why.
Lame Geass: Lelouch of the DisappointmentCode Geass is my favourite franchise in all of media. I’ve watched it almost a dozen times over the years, and it never fails to disappoint. If you think about it, it’s the perfect series for me. It’s insanely edgy, explicitly political, utilitarian propaganda, full of incest, and it romanticises paedophi— I mean, it empowers flat-chested maidens to feel comfortable and attractive in their own bodies. Some people say the Bible is the ultimate work of art; others say it’s Atlas Shrugged. For me, it’s this weeb garbage. Over a decade later, I still look back to it for its insights in ethics, politics, the human condition, and art itself; perhaps the most pivotal work of fiction for me. So when I heard of the new theatrical releases, I had insufficient scepticism as to whether film is an appropriate format for Code Geass’ narrative.
Bi:POLAR ✨Getting Diagnosed in a Different World with Bipolar Disorder✨Why, would you look at the time! It's weeb o'clock! Have you noticed that every anime series as of late is an adaptation of some sort? Re:ZERO is another one of those, and it's our favourite trope as well: getting transported in a 〜different world〜. Wait, I mean, 〜getting a harem〜. I'm starting to get things mixed up, but don't worry, it's no biggie, because Re:ZERO has all of our favourite tropes and the kitchen sink. Getting war flashbacks yet? OD on your meds and strap yourselves in for a joy ride through the Vas theme park, where up is down and down is even more down, in our quest to answer but one question: should we KILL ALL JOURN— is Re:ZERO a waste of time?
Reddit Circlejerk Comments
These are my best comments on reddit until I deleted my account. Almost all of them are from technology-related circlejerks, so they're meant to be read as parodies. Enjoy.