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Hello, world. I am Vas, and this is my private playground on the web, courtesy of Neocities. There are no comments, but you can get in touch through email and xmpp. If you like 🍆, you can find lewd things over at AO3.
2019-11-07

emoji 11/11 China Master Race Deals

This is a time-sensitive post about the best deals you can find on Aliexpress by exploiting discounts and Dear Leader’s transportation network, assuming you don’t care about shipping time and warranties. Neocities saves you hosting costs and now regular spending costs too!
2019-11-04emoji Unnatural Selection: Often, it loses itself in the minute personal drama of the people involved, and honestly at four hour-long episodes, it does feel a bit too padded out for the views, but nevertheless it delivers on what every good documentary aspires to: blowing your mind. More than a few times, it felt like I was watching a science fiction film, or reading a Peter Watts book, rather than a documentation of reality. If you watch Unnatural Selection and aren't hyped for what's to come, there's probably nothing out there that will convince you, unless you see it happening before your very eyes.
2019-10-28emoji Yōjo Senki: More interesting than it initially appears given its Wikipedia summary. One of the few isekai franchises that actually uses the trope for something meaningful, in this case the protagonist’s awareness of the real Great War that happened in our timeline. That said, some decisions remain unintelligible, like some poorly composed 3DCG shots, or why countries don’t share their real-life names. Presumably this is so as not to cause offence, but I doubt anyone sensitive would be spared from that detail alone. Nevertheless it isn’t fascist apologia as it may initially seem, with the series regularly reminding you that what is happening is bad, but without patronising you by spelling it out for you. It has a very distinct style, both in visuals and in sound, unless 3DCG messes it up; air fights in particular, especially in the movie, are very enjoyable and well-choreographed. Its high pace makes it very easy to marathon, and keeping up is an intellectual exercise for a discerning audience, which is appreciated, and starkly contrasting the infantilising perspective of Hollywood capeshit propaganda films. It is laser-focused on its niche, Modern Era military strategy, often to the detriment of its other qualities, like character building and drama; characters are often flanderised for the sake of brevity and in order to fit in its frantic pace. If you pay attention, there are many interesting character arcs, but I would prefer for them to be shown more; they felt a bit glossed over. The sociopathic protagonist can be interesting, but her lack of connection to other characters removes the emotional impact of scenes where they are in danger; character development in that regard isn’t so much shown as it is implied, maybe, if you look real close. 7/10
2019-10-27

emoji Communism won’t fix incels

Communism, and more broadly egalitarianism, is based on the principle of eradicating the distinctions of class between people, in particular focusing on wealth, but also including gender and race and so on. Incels are people—mostly men—who want to get laid but can’t. In particular, blackpilled incels have an ideology vaguely similar to MGTOW, that in addition to incelibacy includes critique of women’s behaviour, often harshly spoken. There is a belief in left-wing circles that incels will be fixed by left-wing policies, but I think this is divorced from the truth, and in fact they will exacerbate the problem.
2019-10-10

emoji Emacs for writing, 2019 edition

I used to have some tips and tricks for writing in Emacs, but that article no longer exists. I spent the first 6 months of this year giving Atom and VS Code a serious try for coding and writing, and after that I took a short break and returned to vim/neovim. Now I’m back to Emacs, with an entirely new configuration, and these are hacks I use every day to make writing easier. This isn’t an Emacs tutorial. init.el here
2019-10-10

emoji Heatmap in LibreOffice Calc

Heatmaps are a data visualisation technique where values are arranged in a grid and then shaded according to their values. If you’ve seen the GitHub commit heatmap, you know what I’m talking about. You can replicate it in LibreOffice Calc, so that you can see whatever data you want in a heatmap; how many hours you’ve spent being productive, how many words you’ve written, and how often you’ve told someone to kill themselves.
2019-10-09emoji Kanata no Astra: A survival series, but in space!. There's plenty of its kind out there, but the characters keep it much more interesting than it had a right to be. As the story progresses, more and more focus is shifted away from the survival and towards drama, world-building, and politics. Good balance between serious parts and comedic relief, maintaining a generally upbeat tone without damaging its other qualities. Is helped by the fact that it has a very specific story to tell, and executes it as well as anyone could hope to, without sequel-baiting or filler; it is compact and to the point. Making the first and last episodes double length was a great idea, because the foreword and afterword are both lengthy and necessary, but they would have ruined the pacing if they were their own episodes. Visuals are nice and the 3DCG doesn't get in your face too much, and characters are distinguishable through more than just their hair colours, although they can be a bit too tropey at times. Nevertheless, it plays its tropes straight and unironically as a love song to sci-fi fans, so don't expect a ton of realism. Unfortunately, there was nothing in it that truly wowed me, so while it is a great and enjoyable watch, it isn't a timeless work of art or something. 7/10
2019-10-02emoji Cop Craft: The most enjoyable series of this season. A buddy cop series with fantasy elements, it consistently delivers the best writing anime had to offer in Summer 2019; it is no surprise that it was the work of an experienced author, as in not his first work. Alas, due to budget and time constraints, the animation quality suffers, especially in action scenes, but even gimped it remains a blast to watch. I cannot offer enough praise for the world-building: it is clearly made by people who understand American culture and how they specifically apply to this genre, and of course the fantasy world elements are similarly nuanced, from the constructed language to news headlines and or even the websites people use and how. The characterisation is always spot on, with even minor characters having more vivid colours than other series’ main cast, and the interactions between them are intoxicating. In more than one case I couldn’t believe these lines were written for an anime series; so starved was I for good writing. It doesn’t waste your time. The pacing is rapid and everything from details to major plot twists are preferably shown rather than told to the benefit of the perceptive and loyal viewer. The cinematography is filled with 200 IQ takes up there with the best of them in Hollywood. The character design is from lolicon legend Range Murata and it shows in how (((intellectual))) Exedelica’s sublime flatness is. Does not shy away from more complicated issues, such as human trafficking, war crimes, or racism. If you are to watch anything from Summer 2019, watch this. Series like this are why I’m proud to be in this fandom, or, indeed, alive. 9/10
2019-09-29

emoji LG 25UM58-P 25″ ultrawide monitor review

I recently upgraded from my crap-tastic and ageing Samsung Syncmaster T220HD monitor, which after years of use and abuse was really beginning to show its problems. I was fine when my previous and even current smartphone had better colour accuracy, but what started grinding my gears was the crap-tastic Chinese tablet (review coming soon™) that I snagged for free €100 having a better display. It was so old it wasn’t even Full HD; that should tell you something. So when the backlight finally started flickering and it looked like it was on its last legs, I bit the bullet and got myself a proper ultrawide Chad monitor to get into the productivity meme. This isn’t my first encounter with this display, as I have suggested it for a friend and he liked it, but I found it at the unbeatable price of €139 and couldn’t resist any longer. If you can find it at a similar price, I strongly suggest it; ultrawide isn’t a meme.
2019-09-28

emoji Abbreviation mode: write smarter, not faster

Since the invention of the typewriter, people have had only one method to input text faster: actually typing faster. Think about how dumb this is. Your average mechanical keyboard has more transistors than supercomputers used to have, and all that we’ve managed to do with this power is making it more comfortable to press the same dumb QWERTY keys that our grandparents did. Software advancements like speech recognition are only sidestepping the problem that if you have a lot of text to type and want to do it on a keyboard, there’s very few things to help you besides your physical ability as a typist. If you’re into transcription, you’ve probably heard of stenotypes, which, with practice, will allow you to write in excess of 200 words per minute. However, stenotypes, and their software emulators, are mostly aimed at professionals in courtrooms and such, and are effectively entirely new keyboard layouts, with everything that means for computer accessibility. We’ve all heard what’s happened with the supposedly superior Colemak and Dvorak layouts; nobody actually uses them. Luckily, there is salvation: abbreviations.
2019-09-03

emoji Fix the internet in one fell swoop

It is no secret that the web is plagued by bloat, malware and cancer. Despite numerous attempts and conferences, the problem remains and is worsening by the day. The web design community, instead of solving the problem the proper way, is instead doubling down on its pathological behaviour with more frameworks, boilerplate generators and compilers. All of us, including web developers, are aware that faster, lighter websites are superior both for the maintainer and for the user, and yet the industry refuses to adapt. Hell, it is adapting in the opposite direction. We have seen these issues in the past with leaded gasoline and tobacco, and of course presently with net neutrality and climate change. It is a market failure, and considering how much electricity is spent powering the internet, it is of paramount importance that we fix it for the ecological impact alone. As with all market failures, there is but one solution: brutal government intervention. Although I would love to throw every webshit into an unironic, nonmetaphorical and literal gas gulag, today we shall explore a less genocidal, peaceful alternative: money.
2019-08-19

emoji Javascript isn’t slow. Webshits are slow.

Javascript made the web slow and bloated. Javascript is a disaster. I could go on and on about the shitty opinions of proggitors, whose collective IQ is less than my shoe size, but really there is nothing to expect from a community which mindlessly flames everything that isn’t Java or C#. I have long maintained it isn’t Javascript that’s slow, it’s your dumb arse, and today I will back up my claim with a case study: the twist.moe front page, and specifically the search bar. Go ahead, try it out; you’ll notice it’s pretty slow. You have a quad core, 3+ GHz beast, and it can’t even do autocomplete decently: what is the problem? Overengineering.
2019-07-26emoji Rest in peace, exhentai. Even in the darkest days, you were a friend.
All things end
We can pretend that it doesn't hurt
Anonymous space lacks grace
And it would rather see you burn
2019-07-14

emoji I respect women

I respect women. I respect them in the morning, and I respect before I sleep. I respect them in my dreams. I respect them when I’m eating breakfast, I respect them in the toilet, I respect them with each breath, I respect them with every thought. Not a moment goes by that I don’t respect women. I live to respect women. I’d die to respect women, but if I was dead, I wouldn’t be able to respect women, so I don’t die. Every day, I wonder what I could do to respect women more. I respect women. All women, I respect.
2019-04-20emoji Mutafukaz: Visually impressive but otherwise all over the place. It's more fan service than a film in its own right, which is disappointing considering the great design and animation that went in it. It feels like talent was wasted in an incoherent film. 5/10.
2019-04-12

emoji The Redpilling of the Shield Hero

Fresh off last season’s “controversy” with Goblin Slayer comes another ”controversy” with a fantasy series, and it’s about rape again! There’s edge, there’s waifus, and of course, my favourite genre: isekai! Oh joy! I’m not even going to pretend I had any interest in watching this were it not for the drama and I won’t repeat ad nauseam why I hate this trope. What you’re really interested in is whether it’s worth the watch even discounting the drama, and the answer is yeah, pretty much.
2019-03-18emoji It's time to write to your MEPs again because Article 13 is back with a vengeance. Use saveyourinternet.eu for your MEPs' contact information and voting record. Article 13 enshrines the censorship machines of Tumblr, Facebook, Google, and other technofascist American companies into law. Many centrist parties have conspired in favour of it, because they like billionaire money. Your neoliberal elites think that given a choice between voting Nazis and destroying free speech forever, you will never vote Nazis. I don't know about you, but they're wrong about me. Don't take this lying down and indifferent; don't be a cuck.
2019-03-12emoji Devilman Crybaby: A faithful adaptation of a classic comic book, it doubles down on the surrealism, the sex, the drugs, and the violence, but lest assured that despite the Netflix label it remains distinctly Japanese. Like for example the female characters have agency and virtues and aren't mouthpieces for the author's degenerate gender politics. Its artstyle can be divisive, and there are times its scope outgrows its production values, though its greatest weakness are the wild tonal shifts between dark comedy and basically Evangelion (which it influenced). It sags in the middle, though it does a lot of work to make itself more cohesive than the original. It has some very well executed horror and drama near the end, though. Still, it's clearly a work of love, unrestrained by marketability and Hollystasi focus groups, and probably the most genuinely artistic Netflix production we'll see in a long time, if not forever. 7/10.
2019-03-06

emoji The first 1000 words

While you incels have been spending your time browsing Neocities cause you’re bored, whining about nostalgiamining, and recreating the premium reading experience of Cuckernoon, true Chads like myself have been taking the Neocities experience to the logical endgame: buttsex learning Japanese. That’s right boyos. If you thought static websites were only useful for edgelords to fuck around and post their hot takes, it’s time to have your minds blown and your eggplants inflated. This is the guide to the first 6-9 months. Strap yourselves in.
2019-02-26emoji Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald: I don't understand why this movie received so much hate. Although the direction isn't as genius as the previous one's, it retains most of the good characteristics and drops the last film's weakest point, i.e. the comic relief meme scenes with the titular Fantastic Beasts, which clashed tonally with the rest of the film. Its central plot could be stronger by devoting more time to its characters rather than chase sequences, and it should rely less on conflict by misunderstanding. Nevertherless it achieves what it sets out to do, and it impressed me more than it disappointed me. 7/10.
2019-02-19

emoji Spoiler Hearts III

Well over a decade in the making, the conclusion to the Kingdom Hearts story has arrived. The game, the movement, the voice of a generation, it speaks straight to your soul like a bowl of spaghetti served with rice and a loaf of bread—and absolutely nothing else. Sora will journey through many worlds to awaken all the hearts that are using his body like a Trump hotel and leave you with more questions than you arrived with.
2019-02-14emoji Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance: Demotivating Dogshit Distillery. You're better off watching the cutscenes on YouTube if you want to catch up. Actually never mind, you're better off skipping it altogether because 95% of it is filler bullshit and some of the worst this franchise has to offer. It feels like Kingdom Hearts maybe at the very start and the very end, where all the difficulty and plot are crammed. Even then, the gameplay devolves from Kingdom Hearts II's dynamism to a mindless series of flowmotion attacks, blocking, and command deck management; you'll spend a lot of time fighting the controls, most enemies are intentionally annoying, and the game punishes you for trying to melee anything. Your keyblade is utterly pointless as is any sort of interesting combat. As for the plot, well, let's just say your Meow Wow pet is the most memorable character, even if it is a lame Pokémon clone. DDD spends far too much time explaining a drab and straightforward plot, the pacing is shit tier because there is nothing to pace, and its climax would be better off as a Kingdom Hearts III subplot because the way it is executed here carries no emotional value whatsoever. If there's anything that can convince you time travel is a shit tier trope, this is it. A waste of 40 hours of your life but Meow Wow is good laughs, God bless. 3/10.
2019-02-14emoji Mortal Engines (2018): Another garbage film but this time with dieselpunk. It's gotta be anti-porn for mechanics because everything is overengineered but only to add more points of failure—ideally extremely fragile ones. As usual, nothing makes any sense and every character is utterly retarded, up to and including breaking its own subpar world-building within the same film. Usually there's at least one guy to root for, but I think the writers wanted to make a feminist statement, so everybody is equally retarded regardless of background. It's not nauseating to look at, though, so I guess you should shut down your brain and focus on the pretty colours? 2/10 dead on arrival.
2019-01-12

emoji Kill all programmers

I am paranoid. It’s not to the level of psychosis, but it’s definitely to an abnormal degree. If you’ve any interest whatsoever in computer security, privacy settings, cryptography and the like, you almost definitely are paranoid as well. I can’t offer you any data, but if you don’t believe me, spend any time whatsoever in computer security-related communities; you will find no shortage of people so paranoid they can’t even socialise like normal human beings. I can relate, and I can even see myself becoming as dysfunctional as they are. I loathe spyware with a burning intensity. I wish death on the people who write it, for they enable abject oppression; they are the enemies of humanity, and I don’t sympathise at all with rationalisations about their profit motive—my human rights are more important than your income. After a decade of learning how to protect myself from all those out to get me, I realised I’d lost before the fight had begun.
2019-01-11emoji Magic Mike XXL: I honestly thought this was going to be hot garbage, but it ended up being fairly good. It grabbed my attention and held it firmly for most of its length; the characterisation was very good and relatable, and though it sags in the middle, it's decently paced. The dancing scenes are very impressive, aided by excellent direction that Hollywood acshit films should have adopted decades ago. It also drops lots of red pills, at least if you know what to look for. 7/10.
2019-01-06

emoji Soyboy Slayer

While everyone’s busy fighting the darned Russians or North Koreans or Iranians, our society is facing a graver, invisible menace. An army of nu-males, facial hair sparse and testicles receded, gurgling soylent and threatening our way of life from within. They roam the lands in hordes, chanting strange rites as they wave the Nintendo Switch controller: “sweaty”, “yikes”, “maybe, just maybe”, “let’s unpack this”, “doggo”, “wifey”, and of course “I’m fine with my girlfriend cheating on me with that guy from Tinder because she needs to have her needs met and loyalty is but a construct of the cisheteropatriarchy.” Only one man stands against them, armed with nothing but the memes in his mind and the black pill in his heart: St. BlackOps2Cel Goblin Slayer.
2018-12-29

emoji Transcode all your animu for your shitty phone, TV

You finally got yourself a new phone and you think it would be a good idea to watch some weeb shit on the go. Likewise for your new Smart TV. However, woe is you, because there is format incompatibility: though your OS supports MKV, H.264, ASS, and FLAC or AAC, the file doesn’t seem to be playable. Luckily you’re reading the blog so you won’t kill yourself in desperation.
2018-12-20

emoji State of Tech 2018

AngularJS on the blockchain. 5 gigahertz, 1 cooling scam. Screen notch. Double screen notch. RTX off: We’re sorry for ruining your 10-hour HEVC encode; here’s Soy Cuck Saga reinstalled for the 24th time, oh and BTW we deleted all your personal files. RTX on: What’s a computer? When your whole life flashes before your eyes, how much of it do you want to not have a firing squad executing you and your entire family because you’re the incompetent cancer that’s destroying human civilisation through sheer force of JavaScript? State of Tech. 2018. Go fuck yourself.
2018-12-07emoji Venom (2018): Not as garbage as I'd expected it to be. Weak opening and too many weak characters. The antagonist and Venom himself are pretty fun to have around, though. Crappy shoehorned romance like a good ol' (bad ol') Marvel film. Not too many jump cuts during the action scenes. I guess it's fine if you just want to kill some time. 3/10.
2018-12-01

emoji Decentralisation will fail

Modernity claims another victim: Google Hangouts. Google is on the deathmarch towards outdoing even Yahoo for the company that’s killed off the most services, not that Yahoo is doing bad for itself: tumblr is in the process of purging much of its content as we speak. I’mma give it to you straight: the longer this goes on for, the more of your “beloved” services you’ll see censored or shut down for profit. That’s because most of these services are directly tied to the company’s stock price, or even worse, rely on ads and venture capital (itself relying on ads) to be financially solvent. Since the ad industry is a bubble matched only by bitcoin, the situation is bound to get worse, and decentralisation will not be the solution.
2018-11-20emoji It's the International Men's Day, so remember: It's amazing being male, having male sexuality, male interests, and male characteristics. Most of the things around you, from the desk in your room to the minerals in your water distribution system's pipes are the result of male labour. Tonight I'll fap one out for all our fallen brothers in the war against the soycucks and the femistasi.
2018-11-15

emoji Intelligent use of negative space

Following a very intellectual discussion with mariteaux, I present to you my magnum opus, an intelligent use of negative space, quite unlike the default tumblr theme. The following body text is the lolicon article on fanlore, the fannish history preservation wiki.
2018-11-13

emoji Ajazz AK33 mechanical keyboard review

In the past couple of years, I’ve had to move a fair bit of furniture, more than the rest of my life combined. I already wasn’t a big fan of furniture, but god damn it, I absolutely loathe it now. I don’t like stuff. I don’t know when I first started hating stuff so much, but I guess after moving and redecorating a few times, I came to realise how annoying owing too much crap can truly be. I’ve become a minimalist. I want to compactify my life, and the best way to start is with the stuff you already use. The first one on my list was my keyboard.
2018-11-08

emoji House of Cucks

It is done. It’s finally the very last season. After much drama and figuring out that Kevin Spacey is one of us, we have arrived to the conclusion of this tale, one last arc to the most notorious political thriller of this decade, the sixth season of House of Cards, the one where this shoddy construction will come tumbling down, where all the Xanatos gambits will— YO IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT WOMEN ARE STUNNING AND BRAVE, CAN YOU SPARE A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME TO DISCUSS HOW WE MUST RESPECT WHAMEN?
2018-10-28

emoji How Some Geopolitics Carried the Novel (vol. 2)

I’m back at it again with the franchise that nobody wished to have more of. That’s right, my dudes and dudettes, it’s the second volume of Realist Hero, the light novel that made me reconsider life with its literary brillia— Ah, who the fuck am I kidding; it was terrible and I wish I had never read it. Deeper we now go into this isekai madness, the worst genre of them all, the turd that keeps on smelling, even as the industry descends ever deeper into the bowels of creative constipation. Perhaps having finished a novel will give the author sufficient retrospective to make the second one less bland. Spoiler: that happens.
2018-10-11

emoji WebAssembly isn’t the Messiah

I’ll keep this as short as I can so subhuman vermin redditors can comprehend it. WebAssembly doesn’t solve the problems you think it solves. WebAssembly won’t magically improve the web. WebAssembly won’t eliminate the pathologies of modern web design, and in fact it’s likely to exacerbate them.
2018-10-01emoji The Freeze-Frame Revolution: A Wattsian tale through and through, but repetitive if you've read the rest of them; very much a discount Island. Doesn't explore enough interesting new facets of the Sunflower Cycle series to warrant existing. More readable than the rest of his works if you're a brainlet normie, or maybe I'm getting better at it. Honestly feels like a bit of a cash grab. The most interesting developments are in the very beginning and in the bonus Hitchhiker short story. Most of the middle is stale. Watts' aversion to visually describing things persists, resulting in faceless characters floating around faceless spaces, and since the plot twists and science don't make up for it, it's less tolerable than usual. Ironically Hitchhiker is a departure from this style, thus more enjoyable. 5/10, you can do better, Peter.
2018-10-01emoji Deadpool 2: Snoozefest from beginning to end. It would have been much better if it was 30-45 minutes shorter. Its jokes get stale very fast to the detriment of the "serious" things it attempts to address, so all that's left is cringeworthy faux-edgy comedy. I felt really sleepy watching this. Rewatching One Punch Man is a far more fulfilling experience than wasting your time with this abomination. 3/10.
2018-10-01emoji Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom: Another meh tier film from a meh tier industry. Does pretty much what its predecessor trilogy did, but less fresh and exciting. The dinosaurs are cool, I guess, but the whole monster flick vibe hasn't aged well, plus none of the villains made any sense. Selling billions of biotech for a few millions? WTF? The casting is less annoying than the first film and there's a couple cool scenes, but it really is a bore. Only worth your time if you really, really like dinosaurs. 4/10.
2018-09-16

emoji I know fuck all about about design but I need my page to look good: the style guide

Are you new and ignorant to this web/design/web design thing? Don’t have hundreds of thousands of dollars to waste on college, seminars, and conferences? Do you have better things to do with your time than browsing inspiring mockup UIs on dribbble that you can leach off of? This guide is for you.
2018-09-12emoji Batman Ninja: Good direction can't save a garbage movie. I can't believe IGN rated this trash 9.7/10. The less said about it the better. It's the Transformers of Batman movies. Avoid like the plague. I hated myself after seeing this. It's 80 minutes of my life I'm never getting back. DO NOT WATCH. It's bad. It's hella bad. We're talking bottom of the barrel bad. 1/10.
2018-09-02

emoji Turd Emblem: Fated for Flushing

The Fire Emblem franchise has arguably been in hot water since the SNES era, and definitely since the GBA era. What used to be a rich, complicated tactical RPG regressed with Fire Emblem 6’s back to roots philosophy, and it’s been trying to claw its way back ever since. Though some improvements were made, the regressions didn’t stop, instead growing like a malignant tumour, soon to encompass story and characterisation as well. The 14th instalment of the series, coming off the success of Awakening, was supposed to fix all that was wrong with that game, by bringing back complexity to the game, and also a professional author to give us a compelling story. What a nice world that would have been if it were true.
2018-08-25

emoji Westworld: the western world can’t write women

Westworld, the TV series, spawned October of 2016 and outdid the original in every respect. It was the Game of Thrones of robots. It sported strong, independent gynoid protagonists who don’t need no clients, timeline fuckery, face-heel turns, heel-face turns, and a surprising lack of underage sex bo— I mean, youthful maidens. Two years later, can the second season deliver something as fresh and exciting? Can it take the series in new directions? Can it give fapping fodder to lolicons? But above all, can it write women? Trigger warning: yes / yes / no / no.
2018-08-01emoji Avengers: Infinity War: It doesn't have plot holes. It's a hole that occasionally has a plot. A well-written villain isn't enough to salvage it, surrounded by characters we don't care about, an empty world, and idiotic inconsistencies. For an action film, it had disappointing, directionless fights, and worst of all an inability to strike a tonal balance; its poorly-executed humour comes across as insulting in a plot about genocide. But at least it looks okay. 5/10.
2018-07-14

emoji Why do people like Rem?

If you ask around the retardosphere, people explain that Rem is adored by the fandom because she’s a cute maid with lots of screen time, a stereotype of a demure waifu, a trophy wife for a protagonist imprisoned by heteronormative masculinity, and a power fantasy for incel misogynerds escaping the friend zone. This is, as they say, not even wrong, to the point where I doubt I watched the same series as those “critics” and “analysts”. If you buy into that logic, you should kill yourself, and here’s why.
2018-07-06emoji Ready Player One: An insult to its core audience. Builds two different worlds: an empty, dystopian mess filled with contradictions and plot holes, and an even emptier game world, full of characters nobody gives a shit about and no relationship chemistry whatsoever. At no point did I care for any character, nor did they for me: it shits in the mouths of gamers by having a bunch of privileged, able-bodied Chads and Stacies who’ve never experienced true social isolation in their lives preach to us about how we should get off the internet and focus on real life more, as if it’s as easy for an ugly wheelchair-bound incel as it is for a 9/10 Aryan God. Comes across as having been written by a retard with no experience with gaming and gaming culture, speaking down to us from their ivory Hollywood tower. I didn’t think I’d see a film with a more enraging core message than Black Panther this year. 2/10.
2018-07-01

emoji Lame Geass: Lelouch of the Disappointment

Code Geass is my favourite franchise in all of media. I’ve watched it almost a dozen times over the years, and it never fails to disappoint. If you think about it, it’s the perfect series for me. It’s insanely edgy, explicitly political, utilitarian propaganda, full of incest, and it romanticises paedophi— I mean, it empowers flat-chested maidens to feel comfortable and attractive in their own bodies. Some people say the Bible is the ultimate work of art; others say it’s Atlas Shrugged. For me, it’s this weeb garbage. Over a decade later, I still look back to it for its insights in ethics, politics, the human condition, and art itself; perhaps the most pivotal work of fiction for me. So when I heard of the new theatrical releases, I had insufficient scepticism as to whether film is an appropriate format for Code Geass’ narrative.
2018-06-01emoji Psycho-Pass: The Movie: Retains little of the series' brilliance. Though it expands on the world outside of Japan, it offers few compelling insights, and hints at instead of displaying interesting developments. Ditches the crime investigation and interpersonal formulae for run of the mill geopolitics that are neither disappointing nor impressive, introduces many characters that it doesn't expand on, and thus leans heavily on its returning protagonists from the series; alas, two characters and a mediocre plot don't make for complicated drama. Also, both Tsunemori and Sybil seem to be holding idiot balls. The animation was also good but I didn't watch it for the eye candy. 6/10.
2018-05-21

emoji Bi:POLAR ✨Getting Diagnosed in a Different World with Bipolar Disorder✨

Why, would you look at the time! It's weeb o'clock! Have you noticed that every anime series as of late is an adaptation of some sort? Re:ZERO is another one of those, and it's our favourite trope as well: getting transported in a 〜different world〜. Wait, I mean, 〜getting a harem〜. I'm starting to get things mixed up, but don't worry, it's no biggie, because Re:ZERO has all of our favourite tropes and the kitchen sink. Getting war flashbacks yet? OD on your meds and strap yourselves in for a joy ride through the Vas theme park, where up is down and down is even more down, in our quest to answer but one question: should we KILL ALL JOURN— is Re:ZERO a waste of time? <insert-polarisation-pun-here>
2018-05-14emoji My Hero Academia: Entertaining enough, but ruined by its terrible pacing decisions. A good 1/3 of each episode is wasted through editing tropes that belong in soap operas, if that. There are glaring mistakes and inconsistencies in the world-building, the plot is lacking in a strong antagonist, characters (especially the protagonist) make utterly idiotic decisions. Not enough time time is spent expanding on characterisation that would be interesting, and in some cases, the most glaring being Uraraka, followed by BakugĹŤ, character development flatlines, resulting in stale interactions. Nevertheless it builds up hype and executes it well, fighting scenes have good animation, and the voice acting is stellar. 6/10.
2018-05-11emoji Black Panther: An alt-right power fantasy, but with black people. A regressive, patriarchal, tribal autocracy with non-existent personal freedoms, a self-inflicted embargo, intense nationalistic bigotry, in complete isolation from the rest of the world, Wakanda is more interested in maintaining its Big Beautiful Wall and (later) going full Hitler™ with expansionist genocide against the "colonisers" rather than fight against the crushing poverty and STDs plaguing the race it hypocritically claims to celebrate. Its only saving graces are its magical vibrating metal and the cool visual effects of a film that's otherwise political cancer. Propagandistic Hollywood opium for the lowest common denominator of wehraboo aficionados and their dark-skinned ilk, you can be forgiven for idly passing your time with it, but it's impossible to look past the glorification of an ideology and policies that have cost almost a billion lives throughout human history—mostly nonwhites and minorities—repackaged in neoliberal, progressive faux-leftism (fascism). By far the single most disgusting Marvel film to date, rivalling The Birth of a Nation in intended affect and exceeding it in pure, unadulterated, psychopathic capitalist greed, cashing in on racial tensions and the lasting trauma left in the black American psyche ever since some opposing African tribe enslaved their ancestors to be ultimately sold to whitey, all so that some rich Disney stockholder can fill up an extra pool full of Benjamins as they sip on their artisanal green apple martinis off the Miami coast. If you're celebrating this film, especially if you're left-wing, kill yourself immediately and livestream it so that the world can celebrate one less subhuman racist scum wasting our planet's precious oxygen. Holy fucking shit I fucking hate this fucking movie and everything it stands for. I haven't been more sympathetic towards gulags in my life. 4/10, pirate it.
2018-04-26emoji Your Name: The sister heartstring-tugger of A Silent Voice, it has a more interesting premise and plot twist, but a less tight execution. Oh, it also tugs on your heartstrings with less passion. Shinkai teases with a 5cm/s ending, but doesn't pull through, lest you ragequit laifu in the face of no waifu. The background porn is at its zenith, though. The true victim of blue-balling is Itomori. 8/10.
2018-04-22emoji Titan: Promises Interstellar, delivers cheap monster flick. As usual, nothing makes any sense. The science is worse than if you'd only read the first Wikipedia paragraph of everything. Plot has so many holes it could double as a cheese grater. The main villain is cartoonish, and no character is relatable. The protagonist is Blandy McBland, and his wife is a spoiled preteen in the body of an adult. Action is hard to follow and often is shot in such a way as to obfuscate what's going on. 1/10 kill yourself.
2018-02-27emoji No Game No Life: Zero: A mediocre prequel, much like its source material. Great animation wasted on a throwaway setting and flat caricatures of characters. If anything the genocidal events of the film make the happy-go-lucky main series come across as even more tone deaf than it already is. It's at its worst when any characters interact, or when strong emphasis is placed on dialogue. The writing is stuck way too far up its own arse; please stop smelling your farts and have a breath of fresh air. It's cool to look at, I guess, and has lots of prepubescent girls. 4/10.
2018-02-27emoji The Dark Tower: A milquetoast version of the Stephen King series, retaining only hints of the source's glory. The few rays of light aren't worth the price of admission. 3/10.
2018-02-22emoji Justice League: Mindless DC garbage. If you thought the Marvel superhero films were bad, prepare yourselves for new lows. Whereas their competitors are at least somewhat enjoyable, this one's boring. I was unable to sympathise with any of the characters, so nothing that happened here bore any significance. But to be fair, at least the action sequences weren't filled with jump cuts, and the contrast wasn't cranked up to infinity, so you were able to figure out what's going on. 2/10. If you want to watch something about the formation of the Justice League, may I suggest Secret Origins?
2018-02-02emoji A Silent Voice: It doesn't tug at your heart strings. From the very first second, until the very end, it perforates them with a thousand harpoons and pulls with the force of a neutron star. The pacing, the animation, the voice acting, and the writing are all on point. If I have one critique, it's that there's too much crying, which ultimately detracts from the emotional impact said crying is supposed to have. Nevertheless, this is hands down one of the best animated films I've ever seen, rivalling the fabled Disney films of yore. There's very few things that I would approve of more. Drop whatever the fuck it is you're doing and watch this. 9/10.
2018-01-24emoji Blade Runner 2049: nothing will ever be as good as the original, but at least this fanfic wasn't a complete abortion. Alas, the villain is extremely weak, the plot has gaping holes, and most of the characters aren't what they ought to be. The original was a very visual experience, and admittedly 2049 retains this characteristic, though it's far less claustrophobic. Nevertheless it definitely has style. I also appreciate the nod to Vangelis in the soundtrack. 7/10.
2018-01-24emoji Thor: Ragnarok: same Marvel superhero film, different title. I've enjoyed it the most out of those I've seen; it felt like a legitimate adventure, reminiscent of comic books and video games. A big part of the reason is we're dealing with things that matter, rather than Earth citizen nobodies and their stupid interpersonal romantic comedy issues. It seems Marvel has finally realised people watch superhero flicks for the superheroes and not for the chicks. Its best asset were the visuals; the world felt more alive than usual, and the locations felt like places people actually lived in, rather than hollow sets to eat up our time. 6/10.
2017-12-07

emoji Reddit Circlejerk Comments

These are my best comments on reddit until I deleted my account. Almost all of them are from technology-related circlejerks, so they're meant to be read as parodies. Enjoy.

2017-11-21emoji Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets: Garbage. No pacing. Cringeworthy writing. Empty characters. Nothing makes any sense or stays consistent. It's so bad it made me want to kill myself. 1/10, ban this suck filth.
2017-11-10

emoji How a Bland Hero Bored the Kingdom (vol.1)

A while back, Anpan on the anime conference suggested I read Realist Hero, as part of my curiosity about Japanese young adult genre fiction (light novels). Of course I am aware of Spice and Wolf and such, but I figured it would be a better idea starting off with something less insanely well-known. Realist Hero is part of the "warped in an another world" trope, which is the sensation that's taken over Japan for the past five years or so. Works in this genre are a dime a dozen; Sword Art Online is perhaps the most well known of these. The trope has become so insanely stale and uninspiring, the best way to describe it is taking a look at the Hollywood horror genre, which has produced nothing but utter, irredeemable garbage for the past 30 years, with exceptions you can count with one partially amputated hand. It's so bad some publishers straight up ban this trope. Predictably, Realist Hero is bad.
2017-10-25emoji Harmony: Slow and depressing. You'll be watching this mostly for the writing, which is unrealistic in important aspects, but it actually wraps itself up very well. I get what the author's trying to do, but everyone acting retarded breaks suspension of disbelief. The weakest link are the visuals; many environments look sterile and uninspiring despite the sense of grandeur that's intended, in particular during nature shots and high-tech cities. The streets of Baghdad are an ironic exception. There's a lot of 3D animation, which is sometimes okay, but very often isn't; as usual, 2D animators seem to forget everything they know about direction when they try doing 3D, and the result is awkward at best. I probably enjoyed this more than I should have. Peter Watts' Echopraxia goes well with the film's themes (also Blindsight, but less directly). 6/10.
2017-10-18emoji Hoshi wo Ou Kodomo: Eye candy as far as the eye can see. An archetypal adventure film, it delivers god tier colour, atmosphere, writing, and some moral teachings. I disagree with its message, but that doesn't mean I can't love it. 9/10 gave me feels.
2017-10-18emoji Transformers: The Last Knight: Somehow manages to be a little bit better than the previous iteration by actually having a semblance of a plot. Don't get the wrong idea though, I still wanted to kill myself. Nothing makes sense, poorly edited, poorly directed, action is boring and uninspiring, and the characters are written by five-year-olds. 1/10 pure cancer.
2017-10-18emoji Spider-Man: Homecoming: Another mediocre Marvel superhero film. At least we don't get to see Spider-man's origin story yet again. Visuals are nice, but the usual faire for Hollywood. 4/10.
2017-10-18emoji Yuri!!! on Ice: A tale of two series. For the first four or five episodes, well-paced and inspiring genuine interest. Afterwards, a rapid-fire mismatch of fujoshi fanservice. If you think harem anime is especially egregious, watch this and drop your sexist double standards. Though the choreography is nice, it does get repetitive after seeing it like 20 times. 5/10.
2017-10-18emoji One-Punch Man: Imagine Deadpool, but actually good. The de facto superhero parody series of this decade. Brilliant, impressive, and hilarious in every respect. For a series all about an overpowered protagonist, it got my heart pumping and emotionally invested. Also, Tatsumaki is a loli goddess and if you don't desire her lower body limbs then you're gay as fuck. 8/10.
2017-10-18emoji Rapid fire review time. I saw 2001: A Space Odyssey. I haven't seen something with so much gratuitous filler since the last time I watched Dragon Ball Z. The visuals, the music, the atmosphere, and the sense of mystery were good, but god damn did almost every single scene drag on for far too long. You could easily cut 30-45 minutes with no impact on its merits. 5/10, hire a better editor.
2017-09-29

emoji Zuk Z2 Review

In June, I was looking for a phone for my sister, when I stumbled upon the Zuk Z2. At this point, my own phone had been falling apart. Pieces of the body were falling off because they were adhered to it instead of being part of it; a terrible idea, by the way, and shame on Sony for going with it. Performance was questionable at best and always had been, especially in web browsing, which in retrospect should be expected from the shitty SoC. Most importantly, the antenna was problematic, so that any momentary loss of signal (which could happen anytime) was misinterpreted as a SIM card failure, and the software would raise its hands in surrender until the device was rebooted and it could try again, a process that took 2+ minutes. The ageing Lollipop software didn't help. It was time for an upgrade. Or, well, two months later, I guess.
2017-09-02emoji I think it's safe to say at this point that the 7th season of Game of Thrones is high fantasy cliché central. It's a little sad seeing a series that's supposed to be intricate and complex reduced to generic "hurr durr, good guys team up to fight the big bad". All the scheming, backstabbing, and machinations that defined it from the very beginning have been replaced with "see problem, smite it with righteousness". The main characters have an almost superhuman capacity to cooperate, and flaws which would have been lethal before are now under the domain of plot armour. Moreover, they carry gigantic idiot balls when the plot needs them to; fighting without armour or helmets, not paying attention to their surroundings, I could go on forever. We can only hope this cancer doesn't metastasise to the novels; good luck with that.
2017-06-17emoji Watched the fifth season of House of Cards. Strong beginning and middle, last third not so much. Way too much time spent on Frank "playing dumb" and self-sabotaging, and it was transparent enough that it would have probably been better if we were officially in on the thing. Distinct lack of closure in the finale. I'd still strongly suggest watching it.